As more time goes by, I find it harder and harder to believe that it has already been a year since I lost a close friend while abroad. As more time elapses from that day, my whole being is taken over with shame in the fact that I still do not feeling like it is real. I remain static. Feeling as shocked about the entire situation as I did merely a week after it occurred. The entire situation doesn’t promote a healthy path towards acceptance, because I have now been separated from everyone else I was abroad with for 10 months now. Just a few months less than how long it’s been since his death. Therefore, it’s easy to get confused in my head and think he is just off doing his own thing, like we all are, now that we’ve separated. Easy to forget that he’s not reaching out in group chats or on social media because he’s gone, not because he’s busy. I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that, unlike everyone else I traveled with on TBB, I can’t reach out or hear from him. I won’t be able to do that ever again.